Furry/feathered babies, stop trying to make me sad!

Little furry and feathered babies are out to make me sad. It all started several weeks ago with a little homeless opposum, who showed up on my doorstep. So strange. He looked absolutely lost and confused, and very skinny. I brought out some cold cuts and watched as he ate his meal with his little fingers. He hissed at the mailman and hung around my front door for quite a while before he moved on. We saw him again later that night in the middle of our dark street, with the same expression of confusion. Condominium construction down the road likely evicted him from his comfy home. Poor guy. I just know that he didn't make it. He was the perfect target for a dog, a car, or just starvation.

My sweetheart ran over a nest of baby rabbits with the lawn mower, and shredded one. He won't tell me, and I won't look to see if the others are still living.

My daughter's big, goofy lab mix, Delilah, caught and played with (shook to pieces) a small squirrel. I got her away from it, but it only got as far as halfway through the fence when it expired.

We had some major rainstorms last weekend. Actually, all weekend. The hard rain and wind knocked down a nest of baby birds from one of my big pines. They were just starting to get their feathers. Three of the four were already dead, but one was still holding open his red mouth on his pencil neck, waiting for his mama to bring him some grub. I didn't see the actual nest anywhere around, or I would have put it in the tree and placed pencil neck in it. But, there was nothing I could do to help the little one.

All these mortal little babies have made me sad, but that sadness is buried beneath such a joy at feeling well that it hasn't had the impact on my mood and mental health that it would have a few months ago.

I'm not going to let the sorry state of my finances, the mess this country is in, the evil I hear on the news every day or anything else keep me from smiling. I'm asking, very sincerely, for all helpless and hopeless furry or feathered things to find someone else to give last rites and to worry over you. I'm going to be happy.

Feeling stronger every day

It has been a very long time since I could actually say I felt strong, but I’m feeling that way now. I’ve been thinking lots about the things I haven’t been able to do and how this summer may be spent working on getting back into living my life, actively.

Since my diagnosis, I’ve been through lots of medication changes, complications, pain and I’ve had to give up so many things that made life interesting and fun. I can’t say for sure what has really made the difference now. Although my elbow still bothers me, and will until I have the revision surgery in July 2011, my RA pain has been more intermittent. I’ve also bought myself some really comfortable Clark's shoes that have helped my feet immensely. I’m ready to plan some hiking and camping trips. I’m ready to pull out my mandolin, guitar, fiddle and banjo, restring them all and set to work to get back to jamming and maybe even gigging again.

I always feel that I might jinx myself by actually saying outloud, that I feel good. It seems that the minute things get better, I’ll have a flare of disease activity and get pretty depressed. But, I haven’t felt this good in 4 years. The only medications I’m taking are 400 mg Etodolac 2x day, 7.5 mg prednisone and 200 mg plaquenil. That list is so much shorter than it has been for a while. It makes me wonder if that has anything to do with it. It did seem that the more medications that were added, the worse I felt. When I stopped the methotrexate, piroxicam and prilosec, I started to feel better right away. Of course, that is also about the time that I fell and broke my elbow.

I hope that I won’t have to add any new medications. I hope that I can enjoy feeling “normal” again for a while. I won’t count on forever. I’ll hope for the summer at the very least. With RA, you just never know.

I feel good!

I have energy! I don't know where it is coming from, but I sure am enjoying it! After work and a dentist's appointment yesterday, I mowed the grass and made pizza (not frozen). Typically, mowing the grass OR making pizza would do me in, but not yesterday. I have more energy than I've had in years!

Mowing grass wasn't nice to my recently broken elbow and it hurt quite a bit last night, but I should expect that. Tylenol #3 helped me get a good night's sleep and I feel full of energy again this morning.

Fatigue has always been a big problem for me since my RA first started. I've put so many things off because I didn't feel like doing them, that my house is a disaster. I hope that my renewed energy will help me to get control of things once again. I'm going to have a busy, productive weekend and pray that my fatigue doesn't ever come back.

Is this the way 49-year-old women, who don't have RA feel? Lucky snots, and lucky me, for however long it lasts! Gotta bounce!

Is my RA on vacation?

I don't want to jinx myself, but I'm having very little problems with my RA. I'm hoping this is a lasting thing. I'm thinking it is the result of the new NSAID, Etodolac. It seems I am stiff and painful until about an hour after I take it in the morning, and it wears off about 3 in the afternoon. Then I have minor pain until about an hour after the evening dose. I can live with that!

I am hopeful that it is the Etodolac giving me this RA reprieve and that a change in dosage or in the time I take it will eliminate even more of my pain and stiffness. I know my 7.5 mg of prednisone helps a lot too. I'll be seeing my rheumatologist early in June, so we'll see if there is some tweaking that can be done.

I've been trying to wean myself off narcotics and tramadol and am having lots of trouble with that. I have IBS-D, and the constipating effect of the narcotics has really helped me. When I don't take them I have those troubles tripled it seems. I guess I'll just have to give it a shot over the weekend and hope it isn't too bad.

I've learned to enjoy these periods when my disease is relatively quiet, but I've also learned that I can't count on them lasting. It can be so depressing when you are hit with a horrible flare when you've been feeling really well. I would like to think that I could gain control of my RA, but I'm going to try real hard to be realistic.

I'm feeling pretty good! Prissy, almost! I'm going to go enjoy it now. Take care!

Another year older and deeper in . . .

There aren't really a lot of reasons I can think of to celebrate the passage of time. Considering that we are here on this earth for a finite number of years, it hardly makes sense to celebrate when one passes. But, that is the way we do things.

This week my family will celebrate 3 birthdays. Mine is today. I am one year from the big 5-0 today. It is so hard to believe that so much of my life is past now. My youth has definitely abandoned me.

I finally got my permanent punctal plugs on Saturday! Ahhhh! So much money, but also sooo much relief for the teeny things they are.

I'm on my third week back to work after my elbow adventure. I'm doing okay. My elbow bothers me quite a bit, but it is getting better. After sitting at a desk everyday for the past couple of weeks, it seems very odd that my feet have been bothering me the most. I guess the old RA is just telling me it didn't go anywhere. It is still here with me and I should just get used to it.

I am celebrating my blessings, and not my birthday this year. I have a wonderfully imperfect, quirky family that I adore; the sweetest man on the face of the earth calls me his princess; the cutest and smartest little boy on earth calls me Nana; I have a job that I actually enjoy much of the time; I have good friends that understand I need my space; I have hobbies that I can get lost in; I have pets that entertain me and enrich my life far more than I could ask . . . I could go on and on.

When I count the many blessings the years have bestowed (not a word I ordinarily use), I can be happy with my 49 years. I do have some celebrating to do after all.

Happy Birthday to Me!!! And, THANK YOU to everybody and everything that brings joy to my life, everyday.

Mixed feelings

Tomorrow is the last day of my sick leave for my broken elbow. I'm going to really miss reading books, watching TV and really relaxing. But, I do miss work, and the people I work with. I know my first week back will be hard, but fun. I love what I do and I'm pretty good at it. I'll probably be exhausted and whiney, but glad to be back to my routine. I'm going to make good use of tomorrow and try to leave the mental preparation for my return to work for Sunday evening.

The elbow is still healing. I still sleep with it on a pillow. It is very sensitive and very stiff. I'm still doing most everything with my left hand. My cellulitis is clearing up, but I still have 17 more days of antibiotics. I'm still waiting for my punctal plugs to come in and I'm going through a lot of eye drops.

The RA has taken a backseat to all the other problems lately. I've had so much rest and so many painkillers, I've hardly noticed it at all really. Next week might be a different story.

Best Laid Plans

Well today did not go at all as I had planned.

I started out the day with a visit to my eye doctor and was very excited to be getting my permanent punctal plugs. But, he was out of my size plugs and will have to reschedule the appointment when they come in.

The visit with my GP for a recheck of my cellulitis did not go well either. He said the week I have left on my antibiotics will not resolve the infection. He wrote another script for 15 more days, and I have to go back to see him in two weeks. If it isn't completely cleared, I'll get another shot of rocephin.

I did complete the work I picked up from the office at least. It is good to test out my elbow a little bit. It didn't really bother me too much. It got a little stiff from staying in the same position, but no real pain. I guess I'll be ready to go back to work in a week.

I really wanted to resolve the dry eyes and the cellulitis before I went back to work. I've used quite enough sick time already.

On the bright side, it is supposed to be 80 degrees here on Thursday and Friday. What a lovely way to start April. I did enjoy the snow days, but I am so glad to see spring arrive. The daffodils and hyacinths at my front door are so cheerful, I can't help but be sunny too.