Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Give up or keep fighting?

I've had several years experience with RA now and I've given up many activities that I love. Should I give them up forever and accept the loss. Or, should I keep hope alive that I'll get better and be able to go back to enjoying them again?

If I accept and move on, it is likely I'll find something else to feel passionate about, something else to spend my time on and maybe even forget about the things I've lost.

If I keep the hope alive, I might just work harder at getting better. Maybe my determination would actually influence my treatment and my health.

I waver back and forth and haven't found the answer for me. I haven't given up yet, but perhaps I should. I still have a space in the garage where I used to repair and restore old violins. My music room with all the stringed instruments I've collected over the years is quiet now. I have saddles and bridles and hiking boots that gather dust and sneer when I walk past.

I know I could make a mint if I were to sell the things I may never be able to use again. (And with the cost of this disease, I could use it too.) But, I don't know if I'll ever be able to let go of those parts of "me". This is one of the hardest and most painful aspects of RA, for me.

I'd love to know how you feel and if you have accepted your losses and moved on or if you are a waverer like me. I hope you'll leave a comment.

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