Thursday, January 21, 2010

Dealing With Major Stresses

This may seem completely off the topic of living with RA, but it is not. RA complicates things in a way that makes the more difficult things in life nearly impossible to bear.

My daughter decided to leave school and live 7 hours away from home with a guy she barely knows. Of course, I wanted to rescue her. I wanted to let her know that she was making a huge mistake and that I wanted her home, NOW. But she has made it very clear that she will not be coming home.

I have decided that SHE made the decision to sever ties with me and that SHE will have to live with her decision. I'm hoping that this sort of tough love will make her grow up and stop living in a fantasy world. I'm going to go on with my life and let her live hers, with all the rights and responsibilities of adulthood.

I tried to rescue her, as I always have, but she did not want to be rescued. It hurts more than anything has ever hurt me before. If she decides tomorrow, or next week, or a year from now that it was a mistake, she'll have to find a way to fix it.

I think I'll clean up her room and pack away all her things. Since she doesn't want them mailed to her, maybe some needy Haitian would like them. If she decides to come back and she needs a place to stay, I hope she hasn't cut all ties with her friends as well. She can visit, but she does not live here anymore. SHE made that quite clear.

I'm flaring like crazy, but I didn't notice until I could hardly get my fat shoes off. I haven't eaten or slept in three days. I'll either live through it or I won't. At the moment I'm too used up to care.

I would like to know what I did that was so horrible that she was desperate to escape, but I won't dwell on it. With RA, losing is a way of life and I've grown quite accustomed to it. If I live through this, I can live through anything.

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